Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.So if someone says to us, by word or by action, “You should be over
that by now,” we can recall the words from the Talmud: “Judge no one
before you have been in his place.”

When people ask how many kids I have, I always say three children and pretty soon, the question goes on details like “are they in school”, “how old are they?” If I am not in the mood, I just say two children because the conversation will always lead to my son’s whereabouts. The moment I say my third child died 10 years ago, I feel a sense of discomfort.

More often than not “you’ve moved on , right?” , or “you found closure already?”

If a well-meaning friend said something inappropriate with respect to Luijoe’s death, I would try to focus on the intent of the comment instead of the comment itself. Maybe, my friend just didn’t know what to say.

Move on. It is just a chapter in the past but don’t close the book, just turn the page. – Unknown

Moving on does not mean closure…

However when they are acquaintances, I find it terribly annoying. The word “closure” carries with it an underlying message of impatience: “OK,” the person appears to be saying, “it’s time to get over it.”

Am I being overly sensitive? Perhaps.

It is not just me though. In meetings with the Compassionate Friends, the word “closure” bothers most parents. The “c word,” seemed to push all our buttons.

It is understandable that our friends feel uneasy in the presence of pain. How they wish they can take away our grief. That’s okay. But bereaved parents resent the implication of failure or self-absorption if one can’t adhere to a recovery schedule.

We do, in our own individual ways, gradually get better at bearing our loss. Mainly, the pain simply softens with the passage of time. Moving on means that we live a new normal never forgetting the love and memories of our beloved.

Ashley Davis Prend says that closure is not for people we love or for feelings.

Closure simply does not exist emotionally, not in a pure sense. We cannot close the door on the past as if it didn’t exist because, after losing someone dear to us, we never forget that person or the love we shared. And in some ways, we never entirely get over the loss. We learn to live with the loss, to integrate it into our new identity.

Imagine if we really could end this chapter in our life, completely. It would mean losing our memories, our connections to those we love. If we really found closure, it would ironically hurt even more because the attachment would be severed. And this attachment is vital to us—the memories are treasures to be held close, not closed out.

Perhaps it is better to think in terms of healing. Yes, we can process our pain and move to deeper and deeper levels of healing. Yes, we can find ways to move on and channel our pain into productive activities. Yes, we can even learn to smile again and laugh again and love again.

I have not closed the door on what my loss meant, for if I did that, I would inadvertently close the door on all the love that Luijoe and I shared. And that would truly be a loss too terrible to bear.
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You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

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A mother who lost a child often cry out over insensitive remarks. I have heard it countless of times. Consider this conversation from a mother who though a well meaning friends was insensitive.

Don’t they know? Of course these wonderful, concerned, well-meaning friends don’t know. They can only guess how I feel. They haven’t personally known (thank God) the disbelief, the shock, the anger, the depression that has filled my heart and soul since my child died. They don’t know that the words I need to hear are, “I know you must be hurting terribly. You had such a good life together, the pain must be awful. You need to express your anger, your frustration. I know it must be hard for you to believe that God is a loving God who will support you through this horrible tragedy.” They can’t know words aren’t necessary, that just being there, holding my hand, crying with me, or listening to me would be much more comforting than words they feel they must say.

I don’t think they are insensitive. They just don’t know how to comfort or are uncomfortable in facing a person who lost a loved one.

How do you fare when you come across a bereaved? What do you say? You don’t say “Life should go on”. The grief journey is a process and when a death is just so recent, mourning and moving on is not possible. In the recent news about Tropical Storm Sedong, the Aquino sisters defended their brother’s partying. Ballsy said something that was also picked up by ABS CBN TV Patrol that “life should go on”.

“Ngayon, ‘yun namang party ay matagal nang naka-schedule ‘yon. Siyempre, may mga masasamang nangyayari at may malungkot but then, life should go on. Hindi naman pwedeng huminto na lang ang buhay at magmukmok na lang tayo.

Do not ask them to deny their tears. Allow them to wash their inner wounds and speed the healing of their heart. In time, life does go on.

In many ways, grief is cyclical, much the same way the seasons change. Saying “life should go on” when grief is so fresh is like diminishing the grief of these victims.

Not everyone will follow the same journey. Some move on to their new life (without their loved one) ahead than others. The bereaved, in their own individual ways, gradually get better at bearing their loss. Mainly, the pain simply softens with the passage of time.

Moving on means that we live a new normal never forgetting the love and memories of our beloved. Moving on says nothing about forgetting our loved one, not missing them or not wishing they were still with us, many years after the death. It says we will think and feel differently about having lost him or her.

Here are are other words that are not comforting:

“It’s a good way to die.”
Don’t they know there is no good way for a child to die? Can’t they understand there’s nothing good about his being snatched away from our life?

“Remember, everything is God’s will.”
Don’t they know I can’t understand how God could cause me such despair? Don’t they understand that I can’t accept this as God’s will?

“All things work together for good for those who love God.”
Don’t they know I’m not sure I can love a God who robbed me of my child? Can’t they understand I’m very angry at God, who treated me so unfairly?

“Your child is better off. He’s gone to Heaven, where he will have eternal peace.”
Don’t they know I can’t be relieved to know Hess in Heaven when I ache so to have him back? Can’t they understand that his death is an injustice, not a godsend?

“Count your blessings.”
Don’t they know that in this state of mind I can’t in my wildest dreams consider all this pain, this anger, this emptiness, this frustration a blessing?

“If you look around you, you’ll find someone worse off than you are.”
Don’t they know right now I can’t imagine anyone worse off than I am?

“Think of all your precious memories.”
Don’t they know how much it hurts to live with nothing more than memories? Can’t they understand that because our love was so great, the pain is more intense?

“Keep your chin up.”
Don’t they know how hard it is to do that when I really want to cry, to wail, and to scream at the injustice that has been dealt me?

“You must put it all behind you and get on with your life.”
Don’t they know we don’t hurt by choice when our children die? I haven’t met a bereaved parent yet who wasn’t really weary of hurting.

“Time will heal.”
Don’t they know how time is dragging for me now, that every minute seems like an hour and every hour like a day? Can’t they understand how frightening it is to face the rest of my life without my child?

“If there’s anything I can do, let me know.”
Don’t they know they shouldn’t wait for me to “let them know?” Can’t they understand that my mind is so numb I can’t even think of what needs to be done?

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You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

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Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.Tis the season to be jolly…fa-la-la-la-la. Right, it may be a season to be jolly for some of us but there are a few out there who experience the holiday blues for so many reasons. I can see it in the emails I receive. I am not a therapist but for some reason, more and more visitors email me asking for advice for all sorts of reason. Of course, their questions are for my eyes only. They are sad, lonely and depressed. The suicide rate is even the highest during this holiday season. How I wish I could help but I am not a professional counselor though I can offer friendly advice. I’ve gathered a few tips for those feeling the holiday blues. As you might know, the holiday blues is defined as a feeling of sadness, loneliness, depression and even anxiety that often occur in and around the holiday season.” You or your loved one might be having a temporary spell of the blues without knowing it. There is nothing abnormal about having the “holiday blues,” which are more like a mood than any sort of lasting condition. Depression, anxiety, and other psychological symptoms are associated with the holidays because this season brings back memories of a happier time in our lives.

Who experiences the Blues?

People who might be at risk for feeling blue at the holidays include:

How will you recognize you have the blues?

How does one cope with the Holiday Blues?

For anyone feeling blue during the holidays can follow some very basic, common sense steps to help in coping with the blues.

What does one do to feel less blue during the Holidays?

There are several things that can help in making it easier to manage the blues.

Source: Holiday Blues – Feeling Sad, Lonely or Depressed During the Holidays?

For those facing Christmas alone for the first time due to death of a loved one, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust and share your feelings with them. Devote a place and time before Christmas Day in which you can openly honor your loved one and acknowledge your feelings. On Christmas Day, intentionally set your focus on family and friends who not only share in your loss, but who bring precious gifts of love and support to aid in your healing journey.

Be aware that the hurts of a loss, a broken relationship, or simply of being alone are magnified during the holiday. Look for those around you who are hurting and care for them, spend time with them, love them.

For those that lost a child, read two entries I wrote last year, on Coping and Surviving Christmas and Handling the Holidays.

Just know that while the Holiday Blues can be emotional, intense and upsetting, these feelings tend to be temporary and last at the most for about 2 weeks. The Blues end and people generally feel better once the holiday season is over and get back into their normal daily routine.

For many years after my son died, Christmas was a dreaded holiday by my husband. In turn, I dreaded his sour mood. Today, I look forward to the holiday season more than ever. I smile and sigh that finally my husband is able to handle the holidays a little bit better. I gather in my blessings and count them all. I count the blessings of the most important people in my life and I find the peace that comes with counting a holiday of joy remembered and love shared. Love never dies, and the light always shines in our hearts and home.——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

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MLQ Message for Vee Press E-books’ launch

I regret being unable to join my good friend Noemi Dado on this extremely happy occasion. She and her husband are the best kind of friends any writer can ask for. She can agree to disagree and can find the whole path where neither integrity nor civility ends up being compromised.

I don’t know how Noemi gets her energy but it is amazing. So is her level of achievement. She takes teasing with aplomb and finds ways to do more and more without sacrificing family or friendship.

This Momblogger is a walking typing talking institution. Long may she remain so. Read her, learn from her, debate with her: enjoy her work as she enjoys learning and sharing with the world.

I am touched by Manolo’s message. It means a lot to me. He is my number one idol/ role model in writing, curation, and blogging. As a newbie blogger in 2006, and an avid star struck fan, I went up to him to tell him that and just to shake his hands. I am humbled. Thank you.

I have a lot to be grateful today. I have always wanted an ebook because the archives of my blog’s grief category reached 98 entries.

Thank you Vee Press for publishing my ebook. Gus Vibal, Tin Mandigma, my editor Triccie Cantero, Vee Press production crew , Sab Oliveros and Ed Castro. And everyone at Vibal foundation and Vibal publishing house. I am truly grateful to Vee Press. I was not a good writer (and still a work in progress) so Vee Press hired an editor. I was appalled at all the grammatical errors in the first two years of my blog entries which needed a total-rewrite on some pages or clarification. It discouraged me to continue on but I thought this was my way of giving back the blessings in my life.

Let me present portions of the ebook, “Touched by an angel” through an audio visual presentation.

The Text that came along with the AVP

Meet my family. My husband and my three children, Lauren, Marielle, Luijoe. Luijoe , our only son was a handsome young man as he often called himself. He was so full of love and laughter, a sweet boy often giving me flowers with a note “I love you so very much, mama”.

A few weeks before my son died, he told me “Mama when I die, I will be alive again”. He was fascinated with heaven and angels but I thought he was just a curious 6 year old boy. Little did I know.

My whole world collapsed on the day my son died on May 27, 2000. No words to describe the pain. I’ve always considered myself a spiritual person. When my son died, I questioned God : “how could God do this?”, “Why my son?”, “Why not me”? I stopped praying . I often heard Luijoe berating me for it.

On November 2004, as I was sitting on Luijoe’s favorite couch , a light dawned on me. It seemed like my son was reaching out to me. An angel’s whisper “Mama, pray!” Then I surrendered my pain. I wrote the story ” Luijoe, my Angel” for Fallen Cradle on November 2005. Things moved fast from there. I initiated the formation of The Compassionate Friends Philippines on December 1, 2005.

It was around this time that I started to lose weight and took care of my personal appearance, and became a more loving wife and mother.

I started my blog on February 24, 2006 to help promote my grief advocacy and to share my life to those with similar losses. I never imagined that my blog would hit it off among my readers. I discovered that the roller-coaster ride of the grief journey rings true in most losses. In less than a year, I received three blog awards. I got introduced to new media events, meeting new friends and renewing friendships.

Suddenly, I am brought to a whole new world. My blog evolved not only to promote grief education but to engage in social commentary and advocate social change . My new life as a blogger serves me well: my role as a bereaved mother is no longer the first way I define who I am, but it is ever-present in my life and cannot be separated from all that I am… for the rest of my life.

Working with “The Compassionate Friends” is my way of keeping Luijoe’s memory alive. I also know that every time I comfort a bereaved parent or sibling, my actions are a living tribute to my child.The single most powerful factor in starting my new normal has been the realization that death did not take all of my child.”

Everything I had with Luijoe when he was alive still lives in me. He lives in every word and action I do for the rest of my life.

This is probably what Luijoe meant to say “mama, when I die, I will be alive again. It is not just about the promise of eternal life. That…Love never dies.

Presenting “Touched by an Angel” ebook

The e-book of this blog is now available for purchase. For inquiries and reservations, please call Vee Press sales department at +632-712.9156 ext. 350 or email sales@vibalfoundation.org.

Proceeds of the book sale will go to the formation of more Compassionate Friends chapter in the Philippines.

Oh and thanks to my friend, Tess Halili for hosting the short program. ——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak. Whispers the oe’r
fraught heart and bids it break. ~William Shakespeare

Picking up the pieces

As we as a nation try to salvage what bit of dignity of we can still salvage on the failed operation of the police, the failure of the government of Noynoy Aquino and the wanton disregard of some irresponsible members of the media for the safety of the hostages, we should also examine how we as Filipinos dealt with the situation and conducted ourselves. Yes, the incompetence of the police, corruption and government and perhaps the arrogant demeanor of some media outfits are so routine to us that we’ve accepted them as a fact of life and part and parcel of being Filipino but at the end of the day, we must not allow these so-called realities cloud our ability to feel compassion – and more importantly to show this feeling of sadness and grief outwardly to those who are really hurting.

As much as we want to divorce our identity with the police, the government and the media, we are united by the thread of being Filipino. The move to distance ourselves from the players who have caused this embarrassing and tragic result for the Philippines does nothing but make us cold to the real deal – people died on our home ground.

And yes, it happened in Luneta – one of the most hallowed grounds in all of the Philippines for being the burial place of Dr. Jose Rizal. It happened so close to the Quirino Grandstand; the place where many Filipinos hummed and sang with Noel Cabangon as Noynoy Aquino was inaugurated as the country’s new President. What started out as being a place where hope was once again born is now a very gloomy reminder to police incompetence and yes, insensitive usiseros who are now tabloid fodder in Hong Kong.

Yes, as a nation, we have endured many disasters – both man-made and natural. We have been hardened in our resolve by these challenges but hopefully, this ability to be steadfast and resilient has not made us xenophobic and just apathetic to the struggles and trials of other people. There are a lot of people from Hong Kong who certainly feel that way right now.

(Excerpts from “Filipino Compassion” by Benj Espina from Blog Watch)

Can I see another’s woe,
And not be in sorrow, too?
Can I see another’s grief,
And not seek for kind relief?

~William Blake——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

The deaths of eight innocent civilians is tragic. The Filipinos are grieving. Families of the victims are sad and angry. The family of hostage taker, grieve too. Mourning and outrage pour out in Hongkong. Imagine my shock upon my arrival in Manila last Monday, after a brief and happy weekend with my husband at Kota Kinabalu. No words could express my disbelief as I listened to the news over the car radio all the way from the airport to my home. My husband and I just sat there stupefied, and trying to comprehend the tragedy.

Criticisms are now raised on the blaming game. Concerned Filipinos are asking for the accountability of President Noynoy Aquino, his communications staff, the media , police authorities, and the government as a whole.

Are all these emotions of anger, sadness, denial, and blame valid? “Some netizens lambasted the administration over the “mishandling” of the hostage crisis. Criticisms over the Philippine government’s role in the tragedy riddled social networks like Facebook and Twitter, especially the fan page of President Aquino.” Juned points out “one need not have to contribute to the wave upon wave of comments and statements. It was all there the news, the reactions and the rumors. One could sense the frustration and anger of those watching the events unfold. Hostages to this hostage drama. Hostage to the coverage. Reacting to every bit of news that comes in.”

I too was frustrated with silence of media organizations on their live coverage. A broadcast journalist thinks I was “emo”. Maybe he is “emo” and taking it out on me. Even if he and I were “emo”, there is nothing wrong with emotions per se. He might be right. Maybe it is my grief is talking. Perhaps media organizations are in that stage of denial. Painful as it may be, “a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us-and those around us – more effectively. Look for the learning.” Let us look at the grief process.

Lessons on grief

Grief is a process, a moving through. It is a roller coaster ride. Sometimes we go forward, but sometimes backward, and sometimes we get “stuck” for a while. While emotions are quite high right now, it is a process and eventually people will move through it. We need to understand that within the grief process there are “stages”: shock, denial, anger, bargaining, acceptance and hope. The emotions don’t necessarily come in that order and each one will grieve differently from the others.

So why are we blaming media, the police, President Noynoy? Maybe it is to probe for answers or, to clarify the reasons for the tragedy.

Anger is a very natural, normal reaction to a loss. Questions of “What if”, “Why?” , “Why God?” form part of this process. It is good to recognize anger and try to focus it, learn to use it as a tool. The angry comments at President Aquino’s facebook are meant to get answers that can be translated to action.

One of the comments read: “We need the truth, not lie. We need Justice, not excuse. I’m angry. Everyone is angry.”

The comment section has since been closed. “Left unexamined, anger will typically escalate, and often drives people toward aggression and attack.” Understanding the real message of anger allows one to transform it to something useful. The basic “message” of anger is that we want something to change, but the answers are not clear.

The shift of the anger of the tragedy moved from the hostage taker to the government.

“People were looking to the government to act in a matter that demonstrated competence and professionalism, and that wasn’t apparent,” said Michael Alan Hamlin, a Manila-based marketing consultant and author of “High Visibility.”

The president was obviously smarting from the hateful comments in his facebook page that he pleaded them to stop the bashing. That was not helpful to know. He should allow us to identify and express anger constructively since this is one of the steps on the way to recovery. In the press conference, he begs for understanding and affirms that they could have done better. He shows optimism and gives assurance to us that “given enough time we can recover”.

Grief will transform to hope

While the president begs for understanding, he should also understand that angry reactions are normal. We will get through this.

It is a fitting gesture that he declared August 25 as a national day of mourning to commemorate the deaths of eight civilians killed during the hostage crisis on August 23. It is good gesture not just to be in solidarity with the Hong Kong government . We are all part of the this. The people want to express mutual grief over the deaths, to commiserate with the victims’ families, and also to mourn the tragic circumstances in which they died. The mourning rituals of public institutions, embassies and consulates are lowering their flags to half-mast.

What about us? Mourning can extend beyond the national day of mourning . We can either light a candle at our homes, offer prayers or simply sit still and reflect. I know Anton Sheker and Carlos Celdran are going to do their own memorial gathering at the Quirino grandstand, where the tragedy transpired. Anton and Carlos will bring along white flowers and candles to show respect and remorse in behalf of all the Philippines. This is their process. Each of us will have a unique way of coping with this tragedy.

In the past few days, I chose to ask questions, tweet and probe. Yes, in a roller coaster ride of anger, blame and acceptance. In time, the answers will come.

And so, I allow myself to grieve this tragedy but not to be consumed by it. That anger, blame and sadness will soon transform to acceptance and finally hope. My grief, our grief hopes to be resolved.

Hope- that media and the authorities learned from mistakes, and not repeat the same mistake.

Hope – that President Aquino truly deliver his promise to initiate reforms in the police force , our disaster preparedness and related government agencies.

Hope- that our country can rise above this tragedy.

A ray of hope will come as soon as the roller coaster ride subsides.

Credits

Presidential Sisters, Maria Elena “Ballsy” A. Cruz, Pinky A. Abellada, Victoria Eliza “Viel” Aquino Dee offers flowers and prayers for the victims of the bus hostage-taking on Friday (August 27, 2010) at the Quirino Grandstand. (Photo by Ryan Lim/ Malacanang Photo Bureau).

The above article “A grief shared” was posted originally from Blog Watch”

Candlelight photos by Anton Sheker

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You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger. “Poetry is about the grief. Politics is about the grievance.” Robert Frost

It was a wonderful morning when I wobbled over to the Director’s office at the UP Institute of Small Scale Industries (UP-ISSI). The month of January 1986 was just a few months before I gave birth to my eldest girl, Lauren and I was always in high spirits. I thought the new director just wanted to talk business. Meet and greet each other formally. It looked like he had great plans for UP-ISSI which didn’t include me. The new director informed me that my contract will be terminated. (UP then was in freeze hiring so I was always under a contract). Part of me died with the notice. I was angry, depressed, confused, hurt, and worried. I was so bitter and angry at the new director because I was passionate and competent in my job in research and consultancy. Sometimes I think he just terminated me because I was hired by the past director. I didn’t believe there was shortage of funds because I was hired through a foundation of the institute. I had high hopes about going back to work but they never hired me back. It was really a devastating loss. It wasn’t even the financial aspect that made me feel bad. The research and consultancy work served as part of my identity, a place to use my skills and talents and watch them build over time as I believed I became more competent at them. I went through the grief process of anger, denial, barganing in that roller coaster ride and finally accepting the loss.

I guess there is a silver lining to all this. I became a full-time mother devoted to bringing up my children. If I continued on with my work at UP-ISSI, I would have been such a workaholic with little time for my growing kids.

When someone talks about grief, it is often associated with a death of a loved one. When I started this blog, I talked of my grief journey after my son’s death. There are other areas of life in which loss results in grief that is just as real. One of these is being experienced more and more often due to the current trend of companies to “down-size.”

There are employees terminated after working 10, 25, or 30+ years with a company. If you are one of these employees, “you’re allowed to feel badly, to grieve.” Grief is a process that one goes through after the experience of losing a job.” It is not a good idea to deny your true feelings about your job loss. One has to go through the five grief stages so that it does not add stress on your mind and body which can be seriously destructive to your health.

The first step is to admit you are grieving. Then decide if you want to get better.

Knowing up front what the process looks like can help you move through it more quickly. These are the five stages of grief:

1. Denial—This can’t be happening to me! This is where you are still buying purses and having lunch at Noodles and Company twice a week, because you haven’t gotten it through your head that the direct deposit is really going to end soon (okay, maybe that was just me). It takes a while for the news to sink in, even when you can see it coming a mile away. I’m amazed at how many people can watch round after round of layoffs in their company, and still be shocked when they get the word themselves. If you are lucky enough to get a severance package, this stage can last an especially long time, because the direct deposit really doesn’t stop right away.

2. Anger—How could they do this to me? This is where you mentally list every fabulous thing you ever did at work and rail against these weenies who don’t appreciate you. You obsess about the slacker in the next cube who survived when you didn’t, or the idiot boss who chose to save the one who is better at playing politics than he is at actually doing the work. It’s normal to spend some time in this phase, but some people get stuck here and can’t move forward. That’s really self-defeating, because that pissed-off attitude is a HUGE barrier to getting hired someplace else.

3. Bargaining—Maybe if I just… Not everybody does this, but some employees try like crazy to keep their jobs, even after the ax has fallen. Some look for a job within the same company, even when it’s clear that the company itself is in bad shape. Others offer to take pay cuts, take on extra work, go part time…anything to stay with their current organization. Once in a great while, this actually works, but I’ve found that even when employees manage to hang on, there are often bad feelings that make it a miserable experience.

4. Depression—I’m never going to get a job . This is a normal feeling in any job search, but in the current downturn, I don’t know many people who aren’t spending a good bit of time in this stage. Even great candidates are having trouble finding jobs, and it’s difficult to avoid feeling completely overwhelmed by the situation.

5. Acceptance—Well, that sucked. What’s next? The fact is that you WILL find a job. It might be a while, but it’s incredibly unlikely that you will be unemployed forever. You will get through this. We will all get through this. In the meantime, you will experience the joy that comes from being able to grocery shop in the middle of the day—and that does not suck one bit.

Having gone through a grief journey after losing five family members, just know that the grief process is NOT linear. It is a roller coaster ride. One goes from step 1 to 2 then goes back to step 1, until one reaches the acceptance phase.

To my dear friends who lost their jobs, I got touched by your loss that I teared as I expressed my thoughts. Just feel what you need to feel and let it out. Talk to friends, those who are close to you and who will let you go through what you need to do. You will be fine.

Photo: “Painfully Obvious 4483” by Mike Liu, c/o Flickr. Some Rights Reserved——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

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On the second Sunday of December, parents worldwide join together and light candles for their dead children.

For 12 years, parents gathered on the second Sunday in December in homes, churches, parks and gyms. Sunday night, families all around the world lighted candles at 7 p.m. in remembrance of their beloved children. It has been 4 years for the Compassionate Friends Philippines.

“You wish you could be naive again, go back to your life the way it was,” said Kristy Mueller, who organized the South Bay candle-lighting ceremony in Palos Verdes Estates in the USA.

“But you can’t,” she said. “You don’t get over it. . . . And this is a hard time of the year. When you can’t help but think about what you’re missing.”

For many of bereaved parents, this is a difficult month. Holiday traditions bring families together, but they also spotlight grief and amplify loss.

The company of other parents is part of what made Sunday’s candle-lighting so special.

A fellow parent wrote this poignant poem in Tagalog.

Sa Bawat Hakbang
by Vilma Dee

Sisinghap singhap ako’y nagsikap
Upang sa kalaliman ng dagat ako’y umahon
Tila ba sabik sa salubong mong yakap
Tulad ng hamog sa sariwang dahon

Unti-unti mula sa kawalang hanggan
Lagusan ng kamalayan aking narating
Tila ba sabik sa salubong mong yakap
Tulad ng maog sa sariwang dahon

Ano’t nasilaw sa bagong mundo
Sa dating payapa ngayo’y magulo
Tila ba lahat sabik ako’y masdan
Tulad sa hamog ng sariwang dahon

Di malimot unang haplos na iyon
Maipadamang pagmamahal tanging layon
Tula ba lahat sabik ako’y masdan
Tulad ng hamog sa sariwang dahon

Sa unang hakbang kamay mo’y kaagapay
Lahat ng gawin nais mo tayo’y sabay
Tula ba sabik na ako sa iyo’y matulad
Tulad ng paruparo mula sa kanlungan

Kay ganda din pala buhay sa lupa
Nguni’t di singganda ng tahanan ng MANGHUHULMA
Tila ba nagising sa mahabang paghimlay
Tulad ng paruoparo mula sa kanlungan

Sa piling mo nadama ko kaibang pagsinta
Nguni’t di singtulad ng pagibig ng MANLILIKHA
Tila ba nagising sa mahabang paghimlay
Tulad ng paruparo mula sa kanlungan

Iglap lang pala tayo’y magkakasama
Salamat AMA sa maikling magsasadula
Tila ba napagod sa pagsamantalang laya
Ngayo’y bumalik sa IYO puno ng sigla

AKING AMA, ako’y narito na
Dala ang masayang kwento sa lupa
Mula sa pansamantalang laya
ANAK mong ito’y muli kang bibigyang saya

A short video of our beloved children

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Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.Wasn’t it just 10 years that I last hugged my beautiful boy on a breezy, sunny day at the beach? Though the searing pain in my heart is not as sore as it once was 10 years ago, the scab sorts of falls off on anniversary dates. Luijoe should have been 16 years old today. I created this video tribute of his life and last birthday celebration 10 years ago when he was just a cute 6 year old boy.

I often wonder how he would look like today. Would he have been taller than my husband? Would he have the same gleaming smile? Would he have many girlfriends? Would he be close to his two sisters? Would he have a messy room? Will he still give me a bunch of flowers with an “I love you” note? I can’t imagine because I will always remember him as an innocent and beautiful 6 year old boy whose death changed my life in positive ways I never could imagine.

I know some of you might be uncomfortable seeing this video. Remembering a loved one even if many years have passed by does not mean one is not moving on. It means you continue to love even after their death. Some of you may know others out there hurting from a loss of a loved one. Maybe one’s beloved spouse, father, mother, sister, brother, child, relative or friend. I want them to know that there are creative ways on handling grief. Creating a video tribute is my creative activity to process grief on difficult days.

Creative activity following a loss can be very therapeutic and works on several different levels. Creativity encourages us to find ways to express our deepest feelings and helps us to focus on what may be very confused emotions, so that we understand them better. In grief we often feel as if we have lost control over our lives, and the satisfaction gained from the creative process gives us back a sense of achievement and self-worth.

Those with artistic talents find their own peace and fulfillment in painting , or sketching in the countryside. The total absorption required for artistic endeavors is a welcome break from the strenuous business of grieving. Art can be combined with craftsmanship too to produce special anniversary cards, in much the same way as for example candles, bookmarks, or picture frames. Those with a special skill could use this talent to produce something of lasting significance in their child’s memory, for example a bookbinder may bind their collection of poems, both as a tribute to the child and a symbol of the passage of that stage of their grief.

I created this video to show that death cannot take away the love and memories in my heart.

Death ended Luijoe’s life but not his relationship with my family. Even if there is no birthday boy to celebrate his 16th birthday with, a spiritual bond exists between us. He is alive and well in my heart and mind.

The cliché is true; that with time, the wound is not as raw as the day he died. I stare at little boys running around, and I see my son in them. I smile at the sweet memories, of his hugs which came with a bunch of flowers as a surprise. “I love you so very much, Mama,” he’d cry out.

Today, we are celebrating the joy of Luijoe’s life, rather than the pain of his death.——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.“Ever since I was born, Daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine. And I just wanted to say I love him — so much.” — Jackson’s daughter, Paris-Michael, who broke down in tears.”

Photo Credit via cnn.com

I gaze at the TV as I see the casket of Michael Jackson as it is being wheeled out of Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Hollywood Hills en route to the Public Memorial at Staples Center. Bedtime beckons me but there is one part of me that wants to watch the live coverage of Michael Jackson Memorial . To keep myself awake, I will write about the creative use of grief.

I know not all of you are Michael Jackson fans but I am a Michael Jackson fan so excuse me for blabbing away. Yes, he might not be a family member and my grief is so negligible compared to the devastating loss his family is experiencing. Nevertheless, grief is an emotion. We all had lost someone dear to us and even if the person is not a family member, the grief experience is very real. I established a connection with him through his music during my teen years in the seventies. I bet most fans feel the same way. No wonder you see the outpouring of grief. His music just touched their lives as it did mine in those crucial teen years.

Fans of Michael Jackson are pouring out their grief through music and dance, impromptu shrines at symbolic locations and heartfelt remembrances online. A few create video tributes over at youtube.com. Now, a stadium full of selected fans will have the chance to actually see his casket and the memorial services. There is something about the casket that hits reality even more when the death certificate is right there in front of you.

There is something about death that needs to bring closure on those left behind. People process their grief in their own way at their own time. One way towards the positive resolution of grief is creative activity. Even after the Michael Jackson Memorial, some fans may still seek ways to process this grief. Creative activity following bereavement can be very therapeutic and works on several different levels. Creativity encourages us to find ways to express our deepest feelings and helps us to focus on what may be very confused emotions, so that we understand them better. In grief we often feel as if we have lost control over our lives, and the satisfaction gained from the creative process gives us back a sense of achievement and self-worth.

It is one reason that I created a memorial site for my son at angel-luijoe.net, my dad, my brother, Oscar and my brother, Ruben. I still have to make for my mom. Like Michael Jackson fans, I uploaded poetry, anecdotes, photos, videos, memories, and tributes about my loved one. It is not as grandiose as the Public Memorial of Michael Jackson. From my experience, a memorial whether online or an offline acitivity establishes a measure of comfort for the searing pain of loss.

Whether or not our chosen creative activity is connected with our beloved’s life or death, we will have become more in touch with our own feelings and gain a great deal of satisfaction from our achievement.

His song Gone too Soon leaves me poignant.

Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight
Here One Day
Gone One Night

Like A Sunset
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon
Gone Too Soon

Gone Too Soon

My loved ones live forever in my heart and in my memories.

Michael Jackson lives forever in his music. Let’s remember his favorite song, Smile

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, youll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you

Were you able to watch the live coverage?

The Public Memorial

I watched it till the end and good thing I did. His daughter, Paris Michael Katherine Jackson, the 11 year old daughter of Michael Jackson closed the memorial with this heartfelt message

Ever since I was born, daddy has been the best father you could ever imagine,” the 11-year-old girl said. “And I just wanted to say I love him so much.”

Here is the youtube video of Paris Katherine as she talks tearfully of her beloved dad.

Those words really made me tear. All the tributes about Michael Jackson centered on being the greatest entertainer in the world or a good friend but for the tearful Paris, Michael Jackson is the best dad ever. Brooke Shields also made me tear a bit but Paris Michael Katherine words just hit me and the tears just flowed. I liked the ancecdotes Brooke shared to all of his fans

“Michael always knew he could count on me to support him or be his date. … We had a bond and maybe it was because we both understood what it was like to be in the spotlight from a very, very young age. I used to tease him and say, `I started when I was 11 months old. You’re a slacker. You were like 5?’ Both of us needed to be adults very early, but when we were together, we were two little kids having fun. … M.J.’s laugh was the sweetest and purest of anyone I’ve known.”

I feel sad because Michael Jackson got ridiculed, shamed and judged by the same media that is covering this memorial. He is now at peace. Rest in Peace, Michael Jackson. You are the greatest entertainer, the greatest friend and the best dad anyone can ever imagine.

You have been redeemed during this beautiful and meaningful memorial and tribute.

Photo Credit from Msn.com

Here is a video of the Michael Jackson Memorial or you can jump ahead and Select video clips.

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You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado