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I declined to appear in the Sweet Life Episode on “Comforting the Bereaved” for Lorna Tolentino’s friends. My last TV appearances left me disillusioned with anything showbiz in it. Despite the tragic elements in my life, I cannot stand embellishments injected into my life story. The segment producer tapped me to be the resource person for “A Child’s Grief” and I hemmed and hawed. I then remembered that grief education is part of my mission in life so I agreed in the end.

The guests were two young women, widowed in their mid-twenties. The focus of the segment was comforting their bereaved children. I discussed some creative projects and self-care. Every now and then I had to butt in and correct some misconceptions on Grief Recovery. Lucy Torres is quite smart but I don’t know what to make of Wilma Doesnt, her co-host. At the end of the show, I handed my calling card to the two widows. Wilma looked at me backing off as if I had some communicable disease don’t give me a calling card in half-joking/serious tone. Well, I told her I didn’t plan on giving you anyway but she kept repeating it. What the??

Apparently, she found the show’s theme so heavy and depressing that she kept whining about it. To think I was there to educate them about Child’s grief.

Since my portion covered less than 6 minutes (they practically cut half of that segment and concentrated more on Lorna Tolentino’s grief), I want to add more details that were not really discussed and which parents and guardians of a bereaved child might find useful.

Society tends to imagine a family death in one of two ways:

1. It may be seen as so devastating for children that people feel they should be completely protected.

2. It may be seen as the opposite, that people assume children are so resilient that they will simply “bounce back” without any support.

In my experience, bereaved kids really experience the pain and bewilderment of grief. With the help of supportive adults, children can heal understand and learn to live with their loss.

Some things to remember:

1. In order to support a child, the parent will need to make efforts to look after themselves first. This includes making time for yourself to experience your own feelings of grief.

2. The age of the child has a direct impact on their level of understanding about what has happened.

Let’s take the example of my niece, B the first cousin of my Luijoe. They were inseparable. B who was then 3 years old was Luijoe’s playmate and best friend. On the day Luijoe died, her mother informed B that her cousin died. Poor B! She understood what death meant and cried like a river.

It helped that her mother allowed her to cry and talk about her cousin’s death. Children aged 2 to 5 years think that death is reversible and that people who have died can come back. B , smart beyond her years was an exception. She knew Luijoe was not coming back. And how she cried a volley of tears. It was a good thing that her mother made a special album of memories for B to look at. In that album were photos of the good times like those photos above.

During Luijoe’s birthday and death anniversaries, B placed flowers on his grave. It was a pitiful sight sometimes to see her cry. We cried with her. One of the most difficult aspects of a child’s grief at this age is how they ask the same questions over and over again in an effort to begin making sense of their loss. Reading books on death and loss, playing, drawing and giving them opportunities to identify and talk about worries and feelings will help them deal with the loss.

Children aged 6 to 9 years begin to develop an understanding of death as irreversible though they can get confused about it. Sometimes kids think of death as something spooky, like a zombie or a spirit that comes to get them. It is important that their specific worries are spoken about. It is also important to avoid cliches such as You’re a brave boy/girl. Kids will interpret this to mean that you want or need them not to share their feelings. Kids need you and other important people in their lives to show them that it is OK to express their feelings.

Children aged 9 to 13 are more aware of the finality of death. They understand death as both concrete and abstract. Kids may experience difficulties in their interactions with peers. The death of someone important can make them feel different at the very time that they want to be the same as everyone else.

Marielle was 12 at the time of Luijoe’s death and she expressed to me her concern that it’s not normal to lose a brother. She didn’t know of anyone who lost a sibling. That made her feel different. Big emotional releases (such as anger or distres) are not uncommon but can be scary for children at this stage. They benefit from your willingness to listen and your assurances that the feelings are normal.

Adolescents may struggle to make longer term plans as the death of someone important causes them to reflect on “the meaning of life” and ponder on the question “What’s the point?”. Lauren was a 14 year old at the time of Luijoe’s death. I was too grief-stricken to notice the kids’ feelings but I was always around for them, loving them. They had their friends to distract them but at the same time, they couldn’t stand the shallow attitude of their friends. Sometimes I feel death matured their way of thinking making them value life more.

Sometimes teens tend to keep to themselves but I notice that when there is a special activity to commemorate Luijoe’s life and death, they become talkative and start talking about the good old days. In a way, they are able to express their grief without forcing them to talk about it.

I know it’s been years since their brother died but I have been told that the loss of a sibling will hit them now and then at various stages in their life. I remind them that these feelings are normal. I know they will be fine. When I asked B if she recalls Luijoe’s favorites (which I needed for a memory quilt project), she smiled and said “lizard”.

Smiles have now replaced the tears.

Things to Remember

1. Remember that “super parents” don’t exist. Just do what you can, when you can. Accept that some things just can’t be “made better” in a short space of time.

2. Talk to children using words they understand.

3. Tell Children information a bit at a time.

4. Don’t be afraid to show children how you are feeling.

5. Try and encourage children to ask questions.

6. Answer questions honestly and simply.

7. Try to find ways in which children can be involved.

8. And if family and friends offer to look after your children to give you a break, accept— don’t feel guilty.——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

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Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

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(Thanks to Jeric for this recording and also to Pinoy Biscuits for taping the episode as backup)

Welcome viewers of Proudly Filipina.

I really like how the writers and researchers prepared for the show. It was well-researched. Charlene Gonzales, the host surprised me as well with her research skills. The night before, Charlene told me that she read my blog entries. I was flattered. Usually hosts rely on their staff for the research. I also read about Proudly Filipina the day their staff called me. I wanted to know more about their show. During the taping episode at home, I learned that Charlene is quite hands-on. Aside from hosting and interviewing the subjects, the former beauty queen assists the staff of the show in research and pre-production.

During the break, I asked Charlene how she liked being the host of Proudly Filipina. She readily agreed to be the host because the show has a ‘pay it forward’ effect. You could inspire, change somebody’s life, and be optimistic is enough reason for her to agree to be the host. A segment of their show paves the way for anyone to nominate their Filipina who they are most proud of. She added that “It is more interactive with the viewers because they will be able to contribute what they want to see on the show. Not only that, other inspiring stories of other Filipina and successful woman of the country are also shown.”

If you want to nominate a Filipina for their segment , Pay It Forward, you can nominate at proudly_f@yahoo.com or proudlyfilipina@gmanetwork.com

The questions dealt on the 5 deaths in my immediate family. Media often focused on Luijoe’s death but I have never been interviewed on the deaths of my two brothers, my mom and dad.

These are the sequence of events.

1976

My mom passed away when I was 19 years old. Though I knew she was sick of breast cancer since I was 15, I never imagined she ‘d pass away.

1990

My 27 year old brother, Reuben died of fulminant Hepatitis A. His death was so sudden. Soon after his death, it was discovered that there was a Hepatitis A epidemic in our area. Four other siblings including Lauren suffered from Hepatitis A. We filed a case against Metro Cebu Water District (MCWD) and won the case 12 years later.

1999

My 40 year old brother, Oscar died of leukemia (AML- 6) after an unsuccessful stem cell transplant in Bethesda, Maryland.

2000

Six year old Luijoe died of accidental drowning in a beach resort at Cebu, Mactan.

2003

My dad died of diabetes complications after being bedridden for 4 years.

I often asked God “WHY? WHY MY FAMILY? WHY MY SON? ” for many years.

Much later in my grief recovery, I learned that my son’s mission on earth ended and the choice was for me to take over whatever mission I needed to do. The same goes with my family members who passed away too.

Every death is not an ending . It offers new beginnings, an opportunity to seek the meaning and purpose of the death.

We all must face death. Perhaps we can even find grace in it. If it is our time to move on , we need not fear death. If it is nearing the time to say goodbye to a loved one, then pray that their transition be graceful and peaceful. If you have lost a loved one, know that they live on.

As for me, I chose to be a better person instead of being bitter.

Some minor corrections though

1. In the end of my segment, Charlene said she hoped “time will come when there are happier stories. I guess she read the grief category only. Though I write about grief, this blog is not all sad and somber. I do write about my adventures, my joys as well as the journey.

2. I did not write a book but I contributed a story to the book, Fallen Cradle edited by Agnes Prieto.

My story on Luijoe’s life and death is a part of , “Fallen Cradle“, a book of 22 stories by parents who have a lost a child. . Fallen Cradle can be bought at National BookStore or Powerbooks. (read more about Fallen Cradle)

3. My story does not make sense without my advocacy. They forgot to mention it in the episode.

Grief Support in the Philippines
After the Death of a Child

Behind the Scenes

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You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

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To my visitors who watched the blogging episode of Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho, welcome to my blog. I already wrote about the taping of this episode…but I want to clarify portions of the show.

1. I did not give permission to show a reenactment of the swimming pool scene.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy watching Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho. However, I didn’t know they will re-enact the swimming pool scene. Though brief, it shocked me a bit. The little boy in the video reminded me of Luijoe somehow. In the past,a TV show wanted to feature my story but they wanted an reenactment. I refused. I texted the segment producer that I should have agreed to an reenactment. According to the producer, he informed me of the video sequence. Whatever. Permission is needed because I have to respect other family members who don’t want this traumatic scene replayed on TV.

Besides, I think this scene was unnecessary. I assume viewers of the show are intelligent enough to know how painful a death of a child is. Hello, do they assume their viewers are dumb and can’t understand what “drowning” means?

I will just let this slide but it teaches me a lesson next time, to ask how the segment will be produced (if ever there are future episodes).

The fact that I agreed to blogging in a cemetery is enough cooperation on my part.

2. Blogging as a Therapy as my reason for blogging

I went into blogging NOT for my sake but to spread the word about my advocacy, the grief support group called The Compassionate Friends. I clearly remember the producer asking me this question on why I went into blogging. I said I went into blogging to spread my advocacy . Secondly, I discovered the therapeutic benefits of blogging as I went along. That interview portion was conveniently cut. I am disappointed that my advocacy part on the The Compassionate Friends was not mentioned even in passing. The slant portrayed was the reverse.

What is wrong with blogging for advocacy? I believe media should show that blogging is a credible medium for promoting an advocacy or social change.

3. I don’t just blog on my grief

Oh… the video just had to make it even more dramatic that I often write about my son. I wrote only one entry addressed to my son, Justice, My son which you heard me recite on the video. Grief-related topics deal mostly with the recovery aspect. Jessica Soho’s researchers should browse through the archives to see that I also blog on other topics such as blogging, motherhood, Marraige, Love and Health.

Despite these three annoyances, their blogging segment is more comprehensive and balanced than Studio 23 Yspeak’s episode and the “Beware of the Blog” of Korina Sanchez. Kapuso Mo Jessica Soho showed diversity in blogging such as entertainment, history, religion, fashion. Screen caps of blogs shown were that of Alleba Politics, Celebrity blogs of Lea Salonga, KC Concepion, Jim Paredes, Francis Magalona…

And Rhiz of pinkseo.info and Brian Gorrell were also featured.

In fairness to the show, some of their viewers got touched with my part. I received heart-felt emails from the viewers thanking me for giving some inspiration.

(Thank you Pinoy Biscuits for the above videos.)

Hopefully the Proudly Filipina segment this coming Friday at 7PM (May 2) will be much better.

On the lighter side, here are the behind the scenes of the taping:

——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

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Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.If you stumbled upon my blog via Shop Talk, welcome to my blog. I came up with this welcome page to guide all of you along in case you have questions on blogging. First let’s tackle the obvious, what is a blog?

1. What is a Blog?

A video on What is a blog best explains it.

‘From “Web log.” A blog is basically a journal that is available on the web. The activity of updating a blog is “blogging” and someone who keeps a blog is a “blogger.”

read more on What is a Blog?

2. How Personal Should A Personal Blog Be?

A personal blog is personal. I go out of my way to relate relevant experiences and include the advice, lessons or gifts learned from it. If my readers didn’t care about my opinion , would they be reading my blog? If they didn’t care, they’d hop on to the next blog. Reading the human emotions associated with the blogger and the interactive discussions is what separates blogging from traditional media.

read more on How Personal Should A Personal Blog Be?

3. How do I Promote My Blog?

When I started my blog, I wanted people to visit me. How else can I promote my advocacy if no one reads my blog? How else can I reach out to bereaved family members if they don’t know about my mission? I developed strategies to drawing in visitors. These Promote your blog ideas are not original but they worked for me.

read more on How do I Promote My Blog?

4. What has blogging brought me?

Blogging has brought me so much, more than I ever imagined it to be, from platform for my advocacy to expanded social and business network, recognition…

read more on What has blogging brought me?

5. How does one monetize a blog?

Here is a guide on A Blogs’ Potential with Google Adsense and Adsense Alternatives Revisted by Abe Olandres. Like I mentioned in the interview, I experimented with all monetizations possibilities. If blog monetization is your cup of tea, there is no harm in trying this out.

Read the other tips of probloggers like Abe Olandres and Darren Rowse

6. How much money do bloggers earn blogging?

I can’t locate the local poll done by Abe so let me just point you to another problogger. Based on an October 2007 poll by Darren Rowse, figures show

Keep in mind that these figures are just for those who earn something from blogging (and don’t include the 28% who don’t).

49% earned under $100
23% earned over $1000
16% earned over $2500
9% earned over $15000

…while there is significant hype around the idea of bloggers making money – that the vast majority earn very little (or nothing). A quarter of those who earn something make less than 0.33 cents per day. If that’s not a reality check then I don’t know what is.

On the flip side – a smaller group of bloggers are making good to great amounts of money. While I’m sure there are some votes that are put in the highest category falsely – I do believe that there are an increasing number of bloggers who making significant part time income through to full time income from their blogs. That top category is significant and seem to be growing.

And if you’re a mom wanting to blog, you might want to be inspired by mom bloggers by viewing this video of me and two of my friends:

I hope you learned something from the above links. Just comment if you have other questions.

Asides
With me in Shoptalk is Angelo and our most gracious host, Tony Velasquez who easily put us at ease . Other bloggers invited to this show but couldn’t make it was Benj (he was late!) , Marhgil (at work) , Gail (too busy), Abe (previous appointment) , Jayvee (out of town), Anton (out of town).

——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.Finally the Youtube version of the Lifestyle show on Mommy bloggers that featured Cathy, Annamanila and myself.

(Video courtesy of Karen Borbon, the Executive Producer, momWorks)

It took 3 hours to shoot but the video clip is only 8 minutes. The Lifestyle special was very well-edited and accurate compared to the problogging feature of Abe and Angelo.

View the video here if you can’t see the video above.——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.Update on Cheche Lazaro: (May 8, 2009) Cheche Lazaro and the Wire Tapping Case filed by GSIS

To be interviewd by Cheche Lazaro in “Straight Talk” is an honor. Her interview style is excellent. You know, I usually get a pre-interview by production assistants days before a show. This is normal procedure since hosts are usually busy. It surprised me that no one from ANC (ABS-CBN News Channel) called me up. Hmm, I thought that maybe Cheche can handle it herself. The only call I received was from the production assistant of the executive producer. He was so touched after reading Luijoe’s memorial website and wanted to borrow Luijoe’s photos for a clear graphic shot. They went all the way to the house just to get the photo albums.

Before the live interview, I caught up with Cheche at the dressing room and we had a little chat as the makeup artists retouched our shiny faces. I am amazed at her preparation for this episode. She printed out research materials on grief and highlighted sentences in my story of the Fallen Cradle. She told me that this is a fairly new topic rarely discussed on TV. I know. I told her that grief education is quite new in our country and we’re just taking off with the introduction of grief pyschologists and grief support groups.

It’s customary for host to read guide questions from a teleprompter. Cheche didn’t need a teleprompter. She was ready with the introduction and questions of all the segments. The show was less anguished than the interviews at ALI and the MOMS QTV. The interview showed more structure, a good summary and a clear take home message. She prepared a list of sentences that hurt the newly bereaved which she read towards the end of the show. (It’s similar to my words of comfort entry).

Some feedback from viewers:

Thank you for lifting the taboo on grief. I just got through rough 2 days of crying triggered by someone saying that I look ‘good’

Watching you I said, I will reach that stage later.

Seeing you shows that there’s life beyond grief.

Role models are important – it gives hope and encouragement to see other bereaved parents getting on with their lives and even helping others to take their first steps in the adjustment to the death of their child. If it were still the “old me” , I will shun the publicity. It’s much safer to be within my comfort zone… just keeping to myself. But I have been healed of my pain and I am forever grateful to God for showing me the light at the end of my darkest despair. The mutual support of shared experiences helps me honor Luijoe’s life and I continue to grow in wisdom , strength and love.

More screen caps of the show

Disadvantages of a live show:

1. Your worst angles are shown.

2. You can’t say “remove that part”. I was stunned at the question on effects of losing a child is on one’s sex life. I didn’t know what to say.

*EDIT (June 4)- This episode was replayed June 2 at 11:00 PM and on June 4 at 4:00 PM.——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.I told the girls I can’t be bothered to be their driver tomorrow because I have to appear as a guest at Cito Beltran’s Straight Talk at 1 to 2 PM. My daughter’s immediate reaction: “I won’t be surprised if you appear in Boy Abunda’s talk show“. I don’t really watch TV so I don’t know what kind of talk show it is. But why not? If it helps promote The Compassionate Friends, I’m all for it. I just found out today that Cito Beltran is on leave so Cheche Lazaro will take his place. That’s excellent! She is one of the country’s most respected broadcast journalists . As founding president of Probe Productions Inc. and host of The Probe Team, she started the first investigative newsmagazine for television in the Philippines. I hope I “talk straight” as it is my first ever live interview. The other guest is Agnes Prieto who edited the book on loss of a child, Fallen Cradle. She also initiated this book project.

If you don’t catch the live interview, the replay is at 11:00 PM, June 2 and at 6 PM on June 3, Saturday. I think it will also show simultcast at the The Filipino Channel or ABS CBN Global.——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.I was quite apprehensive over the production of Ali’s Sotto Mother’s Day Feature. Ali’s talk show was launched late last year and I had never watched a single episode. What will be the focus? Will it sound sensational aka Oprah Show style? Or will they show some heart breaking dramatic effect? I was prepared for the worst.

Surprisingly, the episode was nice, touching and inspiring. The Ali Show featured mothers who have moved on towards a positive resolution of their grief. It’s not easy to narrate my grief and the events surrounding Luijoe’s death in public but I needed to share , if only to give hope to other bereaved parents. Most importantly, my son’s memory is kept alive through The Compassionate Friends which I co-founded with two other parents. (View Screencaps of the show)

Hi Butch . Is Noemi a movie celebrity? I keep seeing her picture on TV. what show does she come out in?

haha, I don’t know if our new friend was kidding or not but I think he was referring to the preview of the show.——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger.It’s not that I’m vain. That’s a test shot. I checked to see if the makeup artist placed too much cake on me. Okay, I’m vain. I was invited as one of the guests for the taping of a Mother’s Day Special for Ali Sotto-Bsaies’ talk-magazine program (light public affairs show aptly titled “ALI,”). I expected it to be over in 30 minutes. It was difficult for Ali to do this episode. Our interview reached two hours due to frequent crying breaks and retouching of makeup. Miko Sotto‘s birthday was just last May 10 then there ‘s Mother’s Day. Anniversary dates, holidays, birthdays, special days will come and pass, each with their sting of pain. I felt really sad. I don’t know what will come out of my episode. Just see for yourself on the outcome of the interview. Other mothers featured are Agnes Prieto, Alma Miclat , Vilma Dy and Ali Sotto herself. It’ll come out on May 16, 2006 ABC Channel 5 at 11:00 PM.

I’ll talk more about this when the show airs next tuesday.

More TV shows are showing a mother’s loss this month, like Maalala Mo Kaya and Magpakailanman

I’m exhausted.——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado

Tweet Follow me in twitter @momblogger. Thanks Annalyn for the Blog-O-Rama interview of this blog. I received a few emails from readers who have lost a loved one and got directed to The Compassionate Friends website. I know I can’t take away their pain but by talking or writing about their grief, they can somehow ease their pain. I only got to read the paper version while at the gym early this morning.

“Touched by an Angel” is only 7 weeks old , and my Google [tag]Page rank[/tag] is already PR 5 on the main page (it’s PR0 on newer entries). Sometimes I don’t understand Google. Only 10 sites link to this blog and not to mention, the domain is quite new. Anyway, this is good news because there is a chance that visitors can easily find this site by typing the significant keywords. ——————————-
You might also want to read Positive Mental Energy and Affirmations and my other blogs like Free Filipino Food Recipes, Shopping Finds, Pinoy Food Photo Blog and Techie Gadgets. Or Follow me in twitter @momblogger.

How about visiting my Beauty over 50 blog?

Hope you can drop by! Thanks for visiting…Noemi Lardizabal-Dado.

Add me in Facebook by introducing yourself. My facebook is at facebook.com/noemidado